come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
