Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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