I accidentally had phone sex last night
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
