trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
