Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize