im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
