My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
