Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
