do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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