He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
