Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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