i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
