You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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