so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
