I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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