I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
