i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We need to get me chipped asap
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
