I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
