Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
