every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
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