I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i've created a new STD.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
