Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
