remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
