whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
