i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
