So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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