He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
