highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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