just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
