She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
