If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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