I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
