Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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