Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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