dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
