i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
