Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
