i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
