i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
