i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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