Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
