We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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