Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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