I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize