my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
