Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
