Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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