Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The struggles of a small town man whore
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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