Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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