He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
