I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
