I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
