I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
