So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
