People in love make me want to vomit
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
