At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
