oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The feeling are messing with the penis
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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