i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
