i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
