So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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