Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize