Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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