Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I know her cup size but not her name....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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