You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
