shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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