its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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