how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
