I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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