All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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