Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
