i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
