She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i out mim tonsoeep
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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