Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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