I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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