I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
