Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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