WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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