he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
